It happened so quickly

We've had more rain than usual and I decided to buy leather conditioner for my good smooth leather shoes to waterproof them. I had very little time today, but after teaching three students, receiving mail and another shipment, I drove to the bank, to Wal Mart, and to the famous local bootmaker's shop, James Leddy Boots. James died young a few years back. His family had their membership at the same church where Nannie and Dubbie went to church for the past 60+ years. Nannie is still there most Sundays. But I digress. Sort of.

I was mostly thinking about getting in, out, back home for a very fast lunch before teaching another four hours when I ran into the shop to buy the leather conditioner. It happened so quickly that I had no defense, no warning, no recourse, and no words. The smell. The soft, velvety, smell of leather being cleaned, worked, and lovingly designed into boots overwhelmed me with memories of Daddy's barber shop and the shoe shine stand that was in every shop where he worked. When I was a little girl Buddy was the "shiner" and he always called me Miss J. The deacon's bench from the shoe shine stand is still in my parents' house. Daddy would take my shoes to Buddy for a special shine now and then. I could still hear the sounds of rags slapping on leather and soft whistling in the background. And then, I suppose to break the reverie, I blurted out to the man who rang up my sale, "Is there anyone here who still remembers Dubbie?" And there was. And she said again, along with the man, how sorry they were that he passed away last year. I thanked them and took my little bottle to the car and just burst into tears. It wasn't their comments at all. It was that divine smell.

Day 12

Recreated and Posted June 13

Day 12

One year ago today Daddy broke out in shingles, which was horribly painful and complicated the diabetes. On June 13 Mother had cataract surgery. On June 14 all looked well, with good reports on the eye and Daddy on medication that seemed to be working. June 15 Daddy began to be unstable, falling several times. During that night he fell and really hurt himself and Mother called 911 for help. By the time Monte and I arrived there in the wee hours of the morning, he was stable and had refused ER assistance. Later that morning he fell twice more and on Saturday of that week he went to the ER and was admitted to the hospital later that day. So we spent Father’s Day in the hospital because he had a broken pelvis and was very contagious with the shingles.

As I sit here looking at him today, I am amazed that his heart still beats and he is breathing. The strength to equal his days—that’s what I prayed last year. I looked at my prayer journal from one year ago and saw “let Daddy fly to You”. This journey has been more of a steady, slow walk, with his head turned toward us, looking back and savoring the days, hours, and minutes. He and Mother agreed years ago that no heroic measures would be enforced in case of stroke or other illness or injury leading to death—no feeding tubes, no life supports, nothing to prolong life that yearned for eternity in heaven.

Mother cried while she ate the chicken dinner delivered by a sweet friend. It is unseemly to eat and to enjoy it in this room. She is exhausted. She left long enough for a shower and a change of clothes this morning, leaving JB, our sweet son in law, with Dubbie. Today she will leave again to get her hair done by a precious friend who has visited faithfully and is rearranging her schedule to accommodate Mother. She says she slept about 4 hours last night while JB sat here, working on his lap top. That enabled Muffin and me to sleep in a real bed for 8 hours, for which we are extremely grateful.

CB is very hoarse and is resting with JB at home while Kak watches the twins, takes calls and manages. She also rested well last night. I think the high winds are causing major allergic reactions, such as sneezing, sore throat, itchy eyes, and migraines. God is good, and we will all persevere and develop character in doing so. Dubbie would like that.

In Mansions of Glory

I don’t know what happened when I published my last post. The post published, but the title of it showed up 3 times, then an error posted and now the entire Blog is gone. I’ll try to recreate the final post.

Our Dubbie is singing in mansions of glory. He is standing strong, able to walk and run and talk again. At 12:35 p.m. Dubbie left his body and went to heaven. He breathed slowly and left quietly after 12 ½ days of laboring to breathe while Mother sat by his side. His eyes were slightly open and his faced turned toward us both, and it seemed as though he looked at us in those last moments. One of my brothers in the Lord, who also came to visit twice daily, was also there. Mother was so tired, in so much pain from her back problems and from grief, that she laid her head on the bed, face down for a few moments. Yesterday, the treatment nurse said all Daddy’s moisture reserves were gone, yet in those few moments, I saw a single tear roll from his eye down his cheek, and then he didn’t breathe again.

Every nurse, aide, social worker and administrator on duty who knew him came to pay respects and they cried. The first aide I met, Ruby, who came to escort him from the hospital to be admitted to the nursing home, was the aide who had the duty to prepare his body for the funeral home. She left us sobbing her heart out. The night aides were called and some of them came, off duty, to say goodbye to us.

Mother is so tired that she is almost ill. Joy and Mike arrived about 3:30 today, and Kak’s interview ended just before 2 p.m. today so she will be returning to our house soon. Mike, JB, Muffin and I are home with the twins and CB and Joy are with their Nannie. Mother told us lots of stories today—perhaps out of fatigue, or perhaps a need to keep the past before her and not the present. One of the stories, when she realized today’s date, was that every Friday 13^th when Daddy was deployed for three years during WWII, she received a letter from him. So she always felt Friday 13^th was special. That tear, the impossible one that rolled down his cheek in those final minutes, was his final love letter to my Mother. How he hated to leave her!

In mansions of glory and endless delight

I’ll ever adore thee in heaven so bright

And sing with the glittering crown on my brow

If ever I loved thee, my Jesus, ‘tis now.

We have wonderful memories and loving friends and family. This evening, I had to be at a wedding rehearsal—the granddaughter of an old friend of Dubbie’s. The father of the bride told me that when he was a child, he disliked waiting downtown at his family’s business with nothing to do, so he would sneak away to the barber shop and talk to Dubbie for hours.

Details: Sunday, June 15, 3:30-5:30 Visitation at Hamil Family Funeral Home

Monday, June 16, 10 a.m., Burial at Elmwood

Monday, June 16, 11 a.m., Memorial Service of Celebration, Grace Methodist Church, North 14^th and Grape Streets